Thursday, February 25, 2010

Jennifer's Body: The Almost Classic Horror Film of 2009

I thought 'Jennifer's Body' looked lame. Megan Fox is the kind of actress that looks out of place unless there are giant cgi robots fighting around her. She pretty much always looks like she should be in a Maxim photo shoot. Which is why people think she is hot. By people I mean dudes who judge hotness by looking at Maxim. By those dudes, I might mean douchebags, but if I were to go ahead and say that, I might lose half of my 20 or so readers. (Fuck you, Boston Phoenix.) Okay, where was I? Oh yes, Megan Fox is a terrible actress, and she's good looking in a way that I don't agree with. She looks computer animated. Seriously. Try to watch her try to act. Her face looks completely unnatural. Like it needs to be completely motionless to be admired. Plastic surgery, maybe. Not into it, personally.
The worst thing about 'Jennifer's Body' is that Megan Fox is in it. This movie is one smart, funny, deeply cynical and satirical bastard. Minus Megan Fox and released with a lower profile, this would have been the 'Heathers' of ... what do you call this generation, the lower case generation z?
If you are anything like me, you are pretty sure that 99% of these intensely terrible pop-punk/emo/hipster bands kill virgins to get large. I don't want to give anything else away, but this film surmises just that. The cheesiest, crappiest, emo hipster bands sacrifice virgins to Satan. I couldn't agree more. Beyond that, the movie is excellently written, the CGI is kept to a minimum and the worst thing about the movie is Megan Fox. Awesome.
It really feels like an incredibly smart film got dumbed over big time by 20th Century Fox, hence Megan Fox, etc. If this had been an indy flick, minus Megan Fox, it would have been a sensation.